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We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."
In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
- Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back
- Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
- Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
- Sales Rank: #2009 in Books
- Brand: Unknown
- Published on: 2012-01-05
- Released on: 2012-01-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .80" w x 6.00" l, .75 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
- Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-and Keep-Love
From Publishers Weekly
According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one™s adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one™s parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones™ attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other™s emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of œlooking for love in all the right places and improving existing relationships. (Jan.)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
Review
"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship."
--John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of œlooking for love in all the right places and improving existing relationships."
--Publishers Weekly
"A practical, enjoyable guide to forming rewarding romantic relationships."
--Kirkus Reviews
"Amir Levine and Rachel Heller have written a very smart book: It is clear, easy to read and insightful. It's a valuable tool whether you are just entering a relationship with a new partner or-as in my case--even after you've been married 21 years, and had thought you knew everything about your spouse."
--Scientific American
"Anyone who has been plagued byt hat age-old question--'What is his deal?"--could benefit from a crash course in attachment theory."
--Elle
'This is real science, not slickly packaged personal opinion.The theories are clearly explained using lots of examples. There is advice for avoiding unhappy pairings and for getting out of relationships that are doomed to repetitive, negative interaction. This could save your customers a fortune in therapy bills."
--Retailing Insight
"This book is both fascinating and fun. Attached will help every reader understand whom they are attracted to as partners, why, and what they can do to reach fulfillment in love. I enjoyed every moment."
--Janet Klosko, PhD., co-author of the bestselling Reinventing Your Life
"The authors have distilled years of attachment theory research on the nature of human relationships into a practical, highly readable guide."
--John B. Herman, M.D., Associate Chief of Psychiatry and Distinguished Scholar of Medical Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital and Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School
"Based on twenty-five years of research, laced with vivid and instructive examples, and enriched with interesting and well-designed exercises, the book provides deep insights and invaluable skills that will benefit every reader."
--Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of California, Davis and Past President, International Association for Relationship Research
"Based on twenty-five years of research, laced with vivid and instructive examples, and enriched with interesting and well-designed exercises, the book provides deep insights and invaluable skills that will benefit every reader."-Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of California, Davis and Past President, International Association for Relationship Research
About the Author
Amir Levine, M.D. is an adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He graduated from the residency program at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia University and for the past few years Amir has been conducting neuroscience research at Columbia under the mentorship of Nobel Prize Laureate Eric Kandel. Amir also has a passion for working with patients and it is in this context, while working with mothers and children in a therapeutic nursery, that he first discovered the power of attachment theory. His clinical work together with his deep understanding of the brain from a neuroscientist’s perspective contribute to his appreciation of attachment theory and its remarkable effectiveness in helping to heal patients. Amir lives in New York City.
Rachel Heller, M.A. studied at Columbia University with some of the most prominent scholars in the field of social psychology. She now works with families and couples as a psychologist in private practice. Rachel lives in Israel.
Most helpful customer reviews
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
BEST RELATIONSHIP BOOK AFTER 28 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.....
By JBF
Top notch book (doesn't work well on Kindle due to diagrams that you cannot see) for SINGLES (learn about emotional attachment style before you commit) and for married couples trying to understand their relationship. This book has been a TREMENDOUS help in uncovering why my husband and I have struggled so deeply for so many years. We had been in and out of counseling for over 25 years...finally 3 years ago a counselor brought up attachment styles. A huge light went on for us. Thus, this book has been a MAJOR breakthrough in understanding what is going on. It does require commitment to read and work out the ideas, but we finally have understanding, clarity and thus, hope. We have more books on marriage and relationships than one should have (Christian and secular) and this tops them all --by far. I cannot recommend enough that you start with this book as foundational knowledge and then add on others such as Harville Hendrix's Getting the Love You Want. We did it backwards due to lack of knowledge of attachment styles and thus, none of the other books were of any long term help. This book explains so many dynamics that I have never read about in other books or heard of in counseling. I have ordered 2 for my adult single children- I only hope they will read them and save themselves much heartache and confusion.
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Very Limited in Its View
By J Sutton
As a mental health professional, I was looking for a book on healing attachment problems and that is NOT this book. It is a very useful read for someone single or ready to get out of a stuck relationship, seeking to gain insight and make better attachment- driven relationship decisions. I give it a low rating because of its premise that virtually all your emotional relationship problems will be solved by being with a securely attached romantic partner. While I believe that a great amount of drama and pain can probably be avoided by this approach; I believe it is superficial at best and does not bring healing to the wounds that created anxious or avoidant attachment styles (which remain with you until healed), and so I see this type of an approach as a bandaid or stepping stone.
In order to find a secure base; a refuge from the storms of life, we cannot rely solely upon another but must find and reclaim a home within ourselves, this is because no one can provide all of what we need or all of the time. To those seeking deep healing, I recommend instead: Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hahn, and You are Not Your Brain.
I would only recommend this book to someone securely attached who is dating an anxiously attached person and seeking guidance or to someone single feeling frustrated in the dating pool who is only looking for guidance on selecting the best mate.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Biased views on attachment styles
By Mabel and Co.
Like some other reviewers, I found this book surprisingly biased against avoidant people and very sympathetic toward anxious types. I would think that a neuroscientist and social psychologist would show less bias. That being said, there was a lot of interesting and helpful material covered about the different attachment styles.
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